Living Life Slightly Scared

It sounds strange, but I'm trying to live life slightly scared.

Scared, to me, is good. 

It means that I'm getting out of my comfort zone, that I'm really experiencing life the way I want to experience it.

The first time I ever left the country (that I can actually remember) was when I went to Mexico in 2010. It was scary. First international flight on my own, minimal Spanish skills, no friends, no travel experience whatsoever. 

Riding the train from Barcelona to France and realizing that it was pitch black outside and we really didn't have any clear idea as to where our hostel would be? That was kind of scary.  

Getting kicked off the train in Mbeya at 11:30 at night due to worker strikes definitely caught me off guard. 

The reason I love all of these moments is because they made me go into something slightly scared and come out of it slightly stronger. 

So recently, I've actively been trying to do things that intimidate me. 

The second time we came back to Stone Town (Zanzibar), I decided I wanted to explore it on my own. Stone Town is unique in that you get lost every time you try to go anywhere. It's also full of interesting characters, both good and maybe some that are slightly less-than-ideal. I went out, I did get lost out of my mind, I had a man grab my arm and tell me he was going to follow me home unless I bought something from him, and granted, during those couple hours, I did feel slightly more vulnerable. I got back to the hostel though and I felt good. I did it. 

At Victoria Falls, I decided I wanted to go bungee jumping, precisely because it was something I always thought I'd be too scared to do. It was actually terrifying and a split-second before I jumped, I thought, What if this is a horrible, horrible mistake? But it wasn't. I survived, it was the experience of a lifetime (so so beautiful), and maybe most importantly, I had proved to myself that I could do things I was scared of, that I was capable of jumping off a platform into the unknown. 

the moment.

As I've been thinking about all the things I want to learn and do in the future, I've realized that a lot of them are going to feel a little bit like those hours in Stone Town or those seconds on the edge of the bungee jumping platform. They'll scare me a little bit. Hiking/backpacking (what if I get lost? or hurt?), rock climbing (what if I make a mistake? what if I fall?), skiing/snowboarding (What if I break my neck? and since when did this mountain get to be so high?), running a marathon/relays (What if I physically can't do it?), traveling alone (What if I get robbed/attacked? Will I be lonely? How am I getting from Point A to Point B?)--adventures in general are supposed to be scary, I think. But I never want to stop having adventures, so I guess right now I'm resigning myself to a life of slightly scary things.

It's so worth it. 

This fellow right here is a rock star and writes an awesome blog about all his backpacking adventures all over the world. Take a look at what he's go to say about embracing fear: http://onestep4ward.com/motivational-monday-its-scared-travel-alone/. 

"Apathy will be the death of all of us if we're not careful, and that's what our comfort zone represents. So don't be apathetic, get lost then find your way. Be scared then find your courage. Hit the road, embrace your fears and live your life. We only get one of them."

It's good stuff.