When I grow up...

When I grow up, I want to be...

Hermione Granger. I want to be brilliant, studious, headstrong, and selfless. I want to go to school at Hogwarts. I'd follow the rules...except for when breaking them was the right thing to do. I want to be brave and sassy and dependable. I'd be a loyal friend. I want to embrace my inner Muggle-ness. I want to start things like S.P.E.W. and try to change the world. Having a wand and timeturner (I can't help but think it would be quite useful at times) would be nice side benefits.

Audrey Hepburn. I want to be beautiful and elegant and sophisticated and poised. Being the definition of classiness and a fashionable icon of loveliness wouldn't be too bad either. I also wouldn't mind starring in old films with men like Gregory Peck (what can I say...my roommate has introduced me to that wonder of a man). In word, conversation, and deed, W.W.A.D. I'm still hoping that the two posters of her that Haley and I have in our room will help 'essence of Audrey' to rub off on me a little more.

Sandra Bullock/Leigh Anne Tuohy (The Blind Side). Who wouldn't want to look that good at 40? Just kidding. I want to know when to be tough and when to listen to my softer side. I would remember to minister to "the one." To be truly charitable. To respect myself enough to be able to stand up for the people I love as well as for myself. Someday, I want to be the mom that cheers for her kids at their games, reads them books, and says "Yo, deliverance. You see number 74? Well, that's my son."

Rapunzel (Tangled). I hope I'm always brave enough to have a dream and to follow it. It'd be great if everything always worked out in the end and I lived "happily ever after." Also, being able to break into beautiful song at any given point in my life would be nothing short of epic. I want to be able to attack my problems with a frying pan. I want to appreciate all the little things in life and never lose that spirit of exuberance and enthusiasm for living.

And then I realize that I'm almost 20. That's almost 'already grown up.' And I'm not even remotely close to being Hermione, Audrey, Leigh Anne, or a disney princess. I'm just this.

And I'm okay with that. I've decided that I'm actually quite content with who I am. I like having the liberty to be whoever I want to be. I doubt Hermione ever danced around her apartment singing Mika loudly and out of tune. I don't think Audrey would indulge in chow mein and orange chicken from Panda Express on a regular basis. I can't picture Leigh Anne shopping the discount racks at the mall. I don't see Rapunzel embracing her Asian side.

Perfection is a long ways away, so I'll just work on happily being me every single day. Because the truth is, I don't want to "grow up" if that means losing me. I don't want to be the cynical, disillusioned, "grown-up" adult who looks back on their "naive" younger years with a scoffing laugh. However, I don't think I will, if only because I'm determined not to. In fact, I think that as time goes on and as I change, better, and mature, I'll find that I'm actually more me than ever.