Conquering Fears.

Last Thursday, I entered my apartment at 8:15 in a foul mood. I was 100% sure I was going to fail public speaking. Somehow, I had managed to bomb my 3-5 minute INTRODUCTORY speech--who DOES that? I hadn't even received a grade yet, but it doesn't take a genius to know these three things about public speaking:

1) Making good eye contact is important.
2) Shaking is probably really distracting.
3) Saying "Um" and "uh" consistently is not an adequate way to showcase your intelligence. 

I was in an even worse mood because I knew I was going to have to teach the lesson for relief society that upcoming Sunday. 

Public speaking is a huge fear of mine. But that comes from an even bigger fear--messing up in front of people. I hate embarrassing myself--having people pity me. Ugh. Oh, and I realize that this fear comes straight from pride. I know, my friend. I know.

However, any pride in public speaking I had was squashed. Simply squashed. I am a terrible public speaker. I can admit that. I could even embrace it if I didn't have to get a grade for that awful public speaking class. I did still have some pride in my general public image though--and I did not want my somewhat normal reputation to morph into an "Oh, have you met Emily? She's the relief society teacher. You know, the hyperventilating, shaking one." How embarrassing. 

So I prepared in agony. Half of me was loving everything I was learning in the lesson. The other half couldn't stop thinking about how scary actually teaching it would be. The good thing about all of this was that I soon realized that I would not be teaching anybody anything. God would have to, because I couldn't.

It's after church now. The lesson has been taught. The good news? God did come through and He definitely made up the difference. He even went the extra mile. I not only managed to teach the lesson, I also managed to lose the fear. That's something I love about God. God is good.

I'll still have to work really hard in that public speaking class. But hey. I'm all right with that.