some thoughts

I'm done with finals. This fall semester of 2013 is officially over. This fall marked the last time I would walk up that awful hill on my way to class and have to stop because the mountains were ablaze with color. It was the last time I would ever come back from summer vacation, strangely thrilled to be back in Provo, weirdly excited to be learning again. I have only one more semester left, and I will be done. Done done. Done with my undergraduate education. It is the strangest.

This has nothing to do with anything. 

This is just a good song. Ya dig?

It has been the most interesting semester. In some ways it has been so stressful. In others, it has been the most incredible. For the past four years, I've known where I wanted to end up, and I knew what I needed to do to get there. I purposefully packed this stage of my life with as much travel and adventure as possible. I worked hard to get good grades, to land the right jobs, to get valuable experiences. 

I have made some of the best friends possible, friends that I genuinely love, respect, and for whom I would do just about anything. They're all over the U.S. and the world now, doing great things like I always knew they would. They dream big, and I am continually inspired by the things they do and people they aspire to be. I sit here in my apartment in Provo sometimes, and I'm like, You guys. Your lives. Don't ever ever stop.

I look back and I wouldn't change a thing.

This semester has been different. For one thing, a lot of my old friends have jobs, are pursuing grad programs at other schools, or are on missions. In short, many of them are no longer here. Furthermore, this semester marks the beginning of the end.

This past summer I tried to decide what I wanted to do with my life. I went from grad-school-is-all-i-ever-wanted to being 90% sure that I wanted to get a Fulbright to Greece. Then I changed that to Korea. And then all of a sudden, I decided that I didn't want to do a Fulbright. I just wanted to go to grad school, the way I'd always planned.

I thought that my dream was to go to Cornell. Then I looked at their program and I just didn't feel it. So I started looking around. I emailed a bunch of schools. Talked to a bunch of professors on the phone. I didn't feel any of it. So I thought, All I really need is a master's degree. I can do just about anything if it's just for two years. Maybe it doesn't matter that I find lipids to be kind of boring. I mean, U-Mass IS a really good program.

And then people started telling me about how it was so hard to get a masters degree because professors only wanted to take on PhD students. So I started thinking about whether I wanted to get a PhD. I didn't. Not even a little bit. But it did start making me worry about whether I'd get into grad school if all I wanted was a master's degree. To top it off, I took the GRE without ever really studying for it, and the end result was less than exceptional. Turns out I still hate math. And I thought, I'm destined to live in a van down by the river and work at Walmart for the rest of my life. 

Then I started talking to NC State. They ended up flying me out to visit their food science grad program. And I loved it. I loved the feel of Raleigh, the other grad students, the faculty, and NC State itself. And oh my gosh, the research. It is groundbreaking, and it excites me far more than lipids ever would have.

I am working on the official application process right now, but it's looking like I'll be going to NC State (if everything goes according to plan) to get a master's degree in food science next fall. I'm thrilled about it. I can't wait to try living in North Carolina, to see what new adventures happen there. It is a weird thing to realize though that after my internship in Minneapolis this summer that I will be driving east instead of west to go to school.

So yeah, this semester has been different. I kind of feel like the work has been done. I'm at where I need to be. My grades don't matter as much as they once did anymore, and so school doesn't stress me out as much as it once did. I'm also dating someone. I don't ever talk about my dating life on this blog because dating tends to be messy and complicated sometimes, but there you go. And for what it's worth, I'm really happy.

I've always been kind of afraid of graduation because I thought that once "real" life started, I wouldn't be as free to do whatever I wanted, to pursue whatever struck my fancy. I realize that grad school isn't exactly "real" life, but it's different than being an undergrad, and I'm excited for it. I don't really know what's going to happen, but it'll be an adventure.

I think I'm totally ready for this next semester to be my last semester.

In other news, I'm flying home tomorrow! I can't wait. It's going to be THE BEST.